JDater’s Challenge: Aging Male Adolescents

April 5, 2008   |   By (see 's Profile)   |   Filed Under Advice 


Dana Author Profile PictureDana’s Dating Deduction of the Day: If a man can’t show you in his opening email that he’s taken a modicum of time to understand you, move onto the next email from a man who can.

My mother asked me why it’s so difficult to meet a decent Jewish guy amongst so many men to choose from in New York City. “There’s also this thing called the Internet, honey.” I tried to explain to Mom that the web hasn’t necessarily made it easier to bridge the gaps between like-minded people. It arguably has made it even more difficult to manage the increased clutter while still trying to remain polite amongst a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry. Today’s article will examine an epidemic that has invaded my mailbox en masse – the self-absorbed, New York Jewish, middle-aged male adolescent. These men are convinced that a decade difference in age is immaterial, yet it only works in one direction. I just must be either too stupid, materialistic or immature to figure it all out. Ladies, no matter how hard these guys try to gull you, whether it’s in email or an request for an “innocuous phone call,” you’re better off not bothering to politely write back because you’re only asking for trouble and much wasted time.

In fairness to the good, quality men who may read this column, selfish self-absorbed people come in all shapes, sizes, genders, races, religions and cities. Finding a good woman in New York City isn’t easy either but the age factor is much more cruel to single women than it is to men. It’s more than just the higher percentage of men than women being preoccupied with a partner’s appearance. It’s also the notion to many professional men that, as they become more successful with their careers, it opens up the door to buying starry-eyed, young trophies. They have earned the right to have their fun and women are primarily interested in being spoiled and in the company of a mature, experienced men. Why can’t these middle-aged boys understand that most of us women prefer to find a contemporary with whom we can start a family and move through the various stages of life at the same pace and place? Why do they think that a large age gap is diminished just because, for the moment, these men claim to look and feel younger? If they claim act to act young for their age mentally then it’s called “immaturity.” There is a definite mental chasm – I don’t remember the 80s well and am not into Molly Ringwald movies. A case of Viagra or that tossing around money for wining and dining won’t change the fact that you’re aging well ahead of me and are wasting my time with yet another “episode of fun” when I could be out with a guy who could be “the one.” I’m hoping that this article will inform these men that we’re onto them and they should leave us alone and treat women with respect. If you want some fun in the sun that may lead to more, call Ashley DuPree.

Bachelor #1 – David from the Five Towns. 

David wrote to me a few years ago when I was 27 and making the rounds on JDate. Daddy D was 39 (so he says), a divorced salesman with two kids and whose education included “frisbee” as the emphasis of his studies. His “about me” section in his profile mentioned his “low-maintenance” existence, his dislike for playing relationship games, his love of Seinfeld and the Simpsons. Appearance-wise I’d say he’s the perfect unholy union of Steve Martin and Elliot Spitzer (post-hooker scandal.) But there were some immediate red flags that tingled my spider senses.

While I clearly indicated that I was seeking a long term relationship leading to marriage and children with someone 25-34, Mr. Five Towns only checked “long term relationship.” He also wrote “I am a kid at heart and I like to have fun.” Who doesn’t? Typically this means he’s already done the marriage and children thing so and moving into middle age is about having an episodes of self-indulgent, live for the moment experiences. He may take me more seriously over time if it’s clear that I’m the best thing he’ll ever be able to land. I was able to confirm my hunch by taking a peek at the woman he was seeking, which he preferred to be anywhere from 12 years younger to 2 years older:

She is confident, creative, honest and has a great sense of humor. She is also attractive, has style and grace and does not feel the need to wear too much makeup. She can carry a conversation as well as be a great listener. She is as comfortable wearing jeans as she is wearing a LBD. She must be able to be silly and let her inner childness shine through. Also, you must like children and have solid family values

I think Daddy D is so enraptured with his sales pitch that has no clue he beaned this woman right between the eyes with his fastball. He wants a woman with such fair features that she should feel confident enough not to need makeup. (Yeah, you understand women.) So who is it that shouldn’t feel the need for me to wear makeup – me or you? This psychological ploy is commonplace and continues with the next nauseating cliche-ridden sentence. I should be as comfortable in jeans as I am in a little black dress – ergo, being able to fit into little black dress is a prerequisite. I’m onto you buddy boy – can we go for strike three? What does being “silly” and showing “inner childness” mean? The word David probably meant to use was “childish” and it typically goes along with other words like “immaturity” and “baby.” At least he’s consistent in revealing to us what I’ve unfortunately experienced often with men his age and at his stage of life.

Comments

One Response to “JDater’s Challenge: Aging Male Adolescents”

  1. rilalur2 on October 19th, 2015 2:29 am

    HI Sammie,I would like to have the Onlies share with us in our 8th annual Rally for Hope youth Rally Saturday August 25th at Westlake Park (Downtown Seattle) The Rally is from 12 noon to 5:30 pm. If avibliale, you would be slotted for a 10-15 minute times slot. Please let me know of your availibility. Blessings To you,Coach Proctor

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